Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
