just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Every concussion has its silver lining
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
