my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
