evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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