my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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