i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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