It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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