A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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