Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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