take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
