3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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