So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
