At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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