I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
