Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
