He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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