dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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