How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
