Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
