Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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