She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
