So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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