grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
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