I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
