South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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