You're my little dorito
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
