i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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