So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
