I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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