What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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