also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The air was thick with penises
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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