But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
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Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
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Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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