Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
