Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
