i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
