why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
