Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize