you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
