last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
