i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
