you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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