this boner is exhausting
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
