and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
