but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
