Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
