I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
