There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.