they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
