Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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