I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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