listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
