soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
