help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
