I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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