hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
