remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
