FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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