So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
