oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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