Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
