he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".