Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days