If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.