Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.