you guys were way drunker than both of me
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
