so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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