The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize