he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
