I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
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when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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