dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
