Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
