made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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