For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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