Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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