i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
