oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
