I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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