If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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