This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
