Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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