Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
