drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
