Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
where are you?
Hypothermia
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
