R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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