Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
