yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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