He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
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I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
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Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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