You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
How's work?
Spinning.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
