Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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